I got lucky. I’m starting to make friends who live here. The Berliner kindness and generosity is helping me feel comfortable but also makes me quite sad. I’ll illustrate why with my hypothetical friend named Katherine:
Wednesday afternoon Katherine and I decide on Facebook Messenger we should get together. We decide to meet on Saturday night around 11pm. On Friday she or I sends a message to confirm we’re still on.
We exchange phone numbers and she might even call me on Saturday afternoon to talk about our day and why, if, or how it could be possible either of us might be late. Thirty minutes before arriving we text again and make sure we’ll both be on time.
We meet on time and have a fun evening together. Now here’s the part that gets me. Every time, without fail, every time, Katherine sends a follow up message saying something like ‘had fun! goodnight!’.
All this messaging could sound like overkill or even formulaic but in the moment is an expression of care, respect, and kindness. Some version of this attention takes place with almost every plan I’ve made. It’s wonderful and necessary.
This makes me sad because it reminds me how low my expectations are for people after living in #flakysf.I’m sad that decent human behavior feels over the top, especially since I’m still a second or third connect people I’m meeting. At home we say to take care of yourself first: You do you, gurl. I’m just doin me. YOLO because we could be dead in 5 minutes from being idiots the 5 minutes before! This kind of attitude doesn’t leave much room to care for the people around you.
However, it’s not to say there are no decent people in SF or that every interaction in Berlin will be this good. Some have been less easy. I met an ex-SFer last night who said this kindness appeared for him after people knew him for six months and understood he wasn’t transient. I’ve had the same experience. I notice the body language and tone of conversation improves when people hear how long I’ll be in Berlin and that I’m working with German clients.
With all this messaging, why isn’t everyone glued to their phones? I’m baffled.
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